too short

Don Miller has a great talk on the personal story each person has to tell, and that has been on my mind for a while now. Life is too short to not be honest, so here is my attempt at telling another part of it.

It has been 4 + years since my brain surgery. This is the progress I have noticed so far. If you only knew how much God has done in my life.

-I came to Oregon already able to drive. Driving is now like second nature to me, but multi tasking such as talking on a cell phone, the eat-n-drive or talking to a passenger is challenging so I just dont. My reflex time was clocked at .6 seconds a few years ago and that is why the DMV and hospital gave me the "ok"to drive in the first place, I'm sure that time has not changed.

- my VOR (Vestibular-Ocular Reflex) has not improved. I still get very light headed and disoriented when I look up and if I am not looking straight ahead I see double or things move in a jerky, 'shakey camera' motion. However, I am amazed at how the human body compensates for what has been damaged over time. Also upper body strength helps me not to fall.

-Coordination has improved significantly. i am faster at simple tasks; again I have learned ways to compensate using creativity to get something done in a different way as an alternative to needing accuracy. I notice the gears in my brain occasionally slip and I miss judge distance and how much effort to put in to a task (ex. if my nose itches, I'll go to scratch it but end up poking my eye...)

-I have found the best therapy to be Art (ART THERAPY). I continually enroll in mixed media sculpture and calligraphy classes at the local Junior college; in order to help recover things like problem solving, coordination, reduce the effect of tremors (subtle involuntary head shaking that is very annoying and interrupting), motor skills, and a way to develop an alternate form of communication.

This is how it helps:

- problem solving- figure out how parts fit together and how to put imagination into something tangible, also using tools and manipulating materials is good therapy. This is a common deficit in Brain Injuries

-It works on coordination /motor skills and the ability to 'do'

- voice- interaction with people.

-reduce the effect of tremors- concentration and focus are required for calligraphy, so trying to stop tremors is practiced, it also provides experience with focusing on something while distractions are around.

-memory - jogs memories of how things work, where I learned it, who I was and what I was doing- which triggers an awareness of "oh yeah I know this" so its not fully re-learning because the brain cells were already made, the info is there its just a matter of 'unlocking' it; this causes more healing and that effects balance, coordination...its wild how things are connected!

-Attention/focus on one task is a challenge

- Balance- I can now walk on a curb (my balance beam) about 4-5 steps, instead of 1-2. Walking in a straight line on any surface is still difficult. I walk in the dark as much as I can to get my other senses such as feel and sound to take over in that area. Slow walking is now stable and does not feel like I am loosly put together in segments. I hear alot that practice is important, for me challenge is.

-Stimuli is the main enemy at the root of all this, because it breaks concentration. I am still affected by it. I am aware of its influence on my moods, balance, voice clarity, mental processing, coordination, ability to focus on something ....everything

-Voice - not much improvement in this area. I am working on breath support in order to prolong tone-ation so talking won't wear me out. I still have the bad habit of talking with my hands; I can't get over how frustrating it is to not be able to communicate (and this is just a mild case). A couple trips to the ENT has determined that I am using the correct vocal chords not the vocal folds and there are no nodules on them, so all is working but its not working.

-Memory, I am more aware of how much I am lacking in this area

-vision is good, they dont want to give me prisms because double vision is only on the far peripherals.

This is most of the recovery I have noticed so far, when the mind works toward something like putting a puzzle together, art, talking with people or physically jogging; overall health improves because the brain is active and that makes everything in the body work better. I've noticed that my walking is straighter and talking is not so hard to do when my brain is not static. I have not taken meds since I left the 2nd hospital in 2005, and my recovery has been better than anyone expected, such as maybe I would walk at some point in my life. Prayer is amazing! I wonder how much of all this is spiritual there has been a lot of coincidences. I am learning valuable things like how important actions are not just words, people, trust, hope....its all important. I miss being able to communicate with ease but now that I understand how valuable actions are, I'm not sure I want a voice back. God has been good through all of this. I have a new understanding of grace and how completely awesome God is just because of who He is not what He can do for me. Life is overwhelming because there are alot of unknowns; but I often experience peace and knowing that God is much bigger and more kind than anything I can imagine, I'm just preoccupied with myself most of the time that I miss seeing it. A question Don Miller asks is "how are you being blessed?" Before this experience, I never understood how much other people go through ; that is one way that I am blessed.

Thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray.