the process

In my 28 years of life, I have ended up with a bunch of experiences and a tube in my head and one thing that will always leave me breathless is love and faith in Jesus Christ.

After all I have seen in this world, I think it is impossible for me to sit back and just consume.

I have learned:

- Being uncomfortable is the context for God to work in our lives, how else will we not depend on our self? (I am not saying this from a safe place in my life, things have been insane for me for a few years).

- doesn't matter if He will change things, it just matters that He CAN change things; Its about faith not a feeling

- be transformed by love not just moved by it.

-We think we are deserving, we are not, we get grace anyway

- People make this world beautiful, whether its across the street or across the equator we are all in different circumstances but the same inside; some people use fear and pride more than others.

-A lot gets done when everyone does a little

- uncomfortable vs: comfort, is the big battle we face

-expectations destroy people, have goals and use honesty instead

P.S. Guatemala was a great experience, a long and physically exhausting one. I might have over done it, I have a brain CT scan on monday. I would love to tell you about it in person someday.

Guatemala.

hello all, guess what, I have the opportunity to go to guatemala (Lake Atitlan) mid june to mid july. A friend of mine has gone down there many times to volunteer with an organization down there that assits the community in construction,medical,V.B.S. and sports events to help build community. This summer the organization wants him to:

- facilitate the volunteer teams that will be going down there from the east coast  

-put a promo video together for their org.  

My friend asked me to join. This is not the first time I have traveled with this guy, he is a good friend, but this will be the first time out of the country for me since my accident and I need your prayers for :

health- last time I went to Guatemala I got a mean stomach parasite from eating popsicles that had some water in it. This time, I know not to touch water but I now have a side affect from Brain surgery that leaves me constantly thirsty. thirsty + parasite water = lame

plus all the normal precautions regarding health. I am assured it is a safe and beautiful place.

passport- I'm working on renewing my passport. This is a very spontanious trip and I realized that my passport expires this month (june). The only chance I have of getting it on time is to drive up to Seattle to renew it in person. My appt. is wed. morning, a friend and I will be driving up there tuesday night and I pray that everything goes well and I will leave with a passport in hand.

-cover this trip in prayer protection, that we would be a blessing to the teams and org down there.

-for food,housing,finances.....all to be provided and have Gods blessing on _______________________

-I now have airplane tickets from PDX to Long Beach, and, LAX to Guatemala. I leave on early tuesday in 8 days.

-I don't have a passport yet

-already have everything I will need to pack so there isn't any other rushing around (other than my final projects)

-after Guatemala, I plan to be in S. Cal. for my sisters birthday and possibly a bit longer depending on time constraints

__________________________

Thank you for your prayers, I hope to see you soon. yeah for the land of lakes and volcanoes.

(CDC)

(WHO)

too short

Don Miller has a great talk on the personal story each person has to tell, and that has been on my mind for a while now. Life is too short to not be honest, so here is my attempt at telling another part of it.

It has been 4 + years since my brain surgery. This is the progress I have noticed so far. If you only knew how much God has done in my life.

-I came to Oregon already able to drive. Driving is now like second nature to me, but multi tasking such as talking on a cell phone, the eat-n-drive or talking to a passenger is challenging so I just dont. My reflex time was clocked at .6 seconds a few years ago and that is why the DMV and hospital gave me the "ok"to drive in the first place, I'm sure that time has not changed.

- my VOR (Vestibular-Ocular Reflex) has not improved. I still get very light headed and disoriented when I look up and if I am not looking straight ahead I see double or things move in a jerky, 'shakey camera' motion. However, I am amazed at how the human body compensates for what has been damaged over time. Also upper body strength helps me not to fall.

-Coordination has improved significantly. i am faster at simple tasks; again I have learned ways to compensate using creativity to get something done in a different way as an alternative to needing accuracy. I notice the gears in my brain occasionally slip and I miss judge distance and how much effort to put in to a task (ex. if my nose itches, I'll go to scratch it but end up poking my eye...)

-I have found the best therapy to be Art (ART THERAPY). I continually enroll in mixed media sculpture and calligraphy classes at the local Junior college; in order to help recover things like problem solving, coordination, reduce the effect of tremors (subtle involuntary head shaking that is very annoying and interrupting), motor skills, and a way to develop an alternate form of communication.

This is how it helps:

- problem solving- figure out how parts fit together and how to put imagination into something tangible, also using tools and manipulating materials is good therapy. This is a common deficit in Brain Injuries

-It works on coordination /motor skills and the ability to 'do'

- voice- interaction with people.

-reduce the effect of tremors- concentration and focus are required for calligraphy, so trying to stop tremors is practiced, it also provides experience with focusing on something while distractions are around.

-memory - jogs memories of how things work, where I learned it, who I was and what I was doing- which triggers an awareness of "oh yeah I know this" so its not fully re-learning because the brain cells were already made, the info is there its just a matter of 'unlocking' it; this causes more healing and that effects balance, coordination...its wild how things are connected!

-Attention/focus on one task is a challenge

- Balance- I can now walk on a curb (my balance beam) about 4-5 steps, instead of 1-2. Walking in a straight line on any surface is still difficult. I walk in the dark as much as I can to get my other senses such as feel and sound to take over in that area. Slow walking is now stable and does not feel like I am loosly put together in segments. I hear alot that practice is important, for me challenge is.

-Stimuli is the main enemy at the root of all this, because it breaks concentration. I am still affected by it. I am aware of its influence on my moods, balance, voice clarity, mental processing, coordination, ability to focus on something ....everything

-Voice - not much improvement in this area. I am working on breath support in order to prolong tone-ation so talking won't wear me out. I still have the bad habit of talking with my hands; I can't get over how frustrating it is to not be able to communicate (and this is just a mild case). A couple trips to the ENT has determined that I am using the correct vocal chords not the vocal folds and there are no nodules on them, so all is working but its not working.

-Memory, I am more aware of how much I am lacking in this area

-vision is good, they dont want to give me prisms because double vision is only on the far peripherals.

This is most of the recovery I have noticed so far, when the mind works toward something like putting a puzzle together, art, talking with people or physically jogging; overall health improves because the brain is active and that makes everything in the body work better. I've noticed that my walking is straighter and talking is not so hard to do when my brain is not static. I have not taken meds since I left the 2nd hospital in 2005, and my recovery has been better than anyone expected, such as maybe I would walk at some point in my life. Prayer is amazing! I wonder how much of all this is spiritual there has been a lot of coincidences. I am learning valuable things like how important actions are not just words, people, trust, hope....its all important. I miss being able to communicate with ease but now that I understand how valuable actions are, I'm not sure I want a voice back. God has been good through all of this. I have a new understanding of grace and how completely awesome God is just because of who He is not what He can do for me. Life is overwhelming because there are alot of unknowns; but I often experience peace and knowing that God is much bigger and more kind than anything I can imagine, I'm just preoccupied with myself most of the time that I miss seeing it. A question Don Miller asks is "how are you being blessed?" Before this experience, I never understood how much other people go through ; that is one way that I am blessed.

Thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray.

very challenged

There has been a death in a family at church here.  Today a wife and 4 young children are going through a really hard time.  Through this,  something has impacted me the past few hours since I have learned of this tragedy.  The worship leader talked about how hard this time has been yet  Holly (wife ) has been solid and has not resented God for this; that is true worship.  I am very touched by this and cant imagine how hard it must be, My prayers are with that family.  Thank God for His goodness even when we cant see the whole picture.

eternal investments

As I watch the news clips for the day, I often wonder what would Peter or Paul's (of the bible) personal economic strategy be? Did they have any investments like gold, a goat, or weapons? I dont know a lot about them but I do know that Acts (book in the bible of what the early church looked like) talks about how they all pulled together, shared and cared for each other. That would be a very interesting thing to see, maybe thats why it worked so well (well= impacting).
This is where I look in the bible to answer my questions about security.

- take nothing...Mark 6:8 (NIV)


-being a good steward 1 Corinthians 4:2 (ASV)


- worry about nothing Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)


-foolishness? 1 Corinthians 1:18-32(NIV)

-duet  8

Is it possible that the only investment they made was an eternal one?   ....matt 6: 19-21. How far should one trust God anyway?

rips

An under tow is a current at the beach that pulls whatever is on top of the water down to the ocean floor or further out.
To get out: do not swim towards the shore. Although it seems logical you will not be able to reach it. Swimmers fight that current, get tired, then go under. The best way to get out of an undertow is to swim parallel to the coastline for a bit until you feel that you are out. Conserve your energy is the name of the game.
To spot: an undertow before you get in the water just look for brown, sandy water that is churning up; determine the strength of it and how deep it is and dont go near it unless you have something to float on.
The beach is incredible and fun especially when it applies to life; when you feel like you are being pulled under the water, drop your pride and swim in a different direction to get out of that undertow of life.