starting over

There are times we want to start over in life. I am not one of those "I have no regrets" type of person. There are things I would like a redo on. In case you are someone who wants a redo on something, here you can have my notes....

When you start over:
know what you are not going to do, Have a picture if you're visual. then know what you are replacing it with.
I have been trying to accept the whole starting over thing, its hard. My identity has always been in what i did. That was who i was and nothing could change that.

Accept the new. But other than new things what does that even look like? A new car, job, house, vacation or shirt doesn't do much at all for redoing, it just changes the outside, and that's cheap.

I actually have a lot of new now , so who I was cannot be my identity anymore. After fighting that reality for a long time, I have reached the conclusion that the only thing to do that made sense is to start over.

How do you start over?

1) Know that to live the best is to get your identity in who God says you are in His word.
Do some reading and some praying. He knows you better than anyone.

2) Next, get a solid foundation to build your life on, that will lead you to love (not feminizing life, ironically,it is the back bone of life, before the muscles go on) without love nothing you do matters (1 cor 13, ecclisiastes). I see how true that is so be a ridiculously strong person and love.

3) Now, you'll need some purpose or you'll go insane, so read 'purpose driven life' - rick warren or something that emphasizes purpose (I'm also a fan of Rob Bell) - know your purpose. We are all unique human beings so its going to be something you are interested in or will be after your identity is in God. Doesn't necessarily mean being a "Nun" or a "Gandhi" or rich, but you will have peace and that is priceless.

4) expect Life, ( ) peaceful, joyful Life because you now have a solid foundation, and a relationship with your creator who is pretty strong and smart and funny. Now there is no need to complain but we still can and will, just know that God is there. Get in an accountability group so you can be around people who challenge you and care. Don't be a person who just consumes all this life and does nothing with it or you will turn on yourself. Too much of a good thing does that.

*you can expand these into more specifics or make them more complicated. I am not telling anyone how to live because I actually would have issues with that. I notice, that in 2010 we have no idea how to live and its getting harder to see life.
If you want the best then do it His way.
If you don't, your foundation looks like this....

RE: if you really knew me than you would know that..........

this is cool

-I have never been bored
-I hate lying
-I am very honest
- I have been described as "cryptic", "political", "complex"
- knowing the real power of God is the only thing that has brought me to my knees and I respect so far in life. (its not just a polite relationship)
-I am always thinking about something or working on something
-I know the value of giving
-I know the meaning of life
-I am interested in the best not the immediate
-life has been __uuhhhhh_____ (there are no words to explain it)
-In high school, I named all 3 of my turtles Bette Midler.
-I am tired
-Oregon is a beautiful place , Oregon people make me laugh
-I will always try to figure out how something works or is put together
-for the most part, my favorites change often
-I am drawn to honesty
-I just started drinking coffee regularly
-dental hygiene is important to me
-I have learned that real strength is not physical
-to me it makes more sense to make something than find it.
-I get complicated or really simple, there isn't much of a middle ground from me
-I like pizza, taco's, italian food, crab, fruit, Mint, basil and my newest hobby is making chocolate (cacao style)
-churchy/pious attitudes irritate me,
-I have no recorded accomplishments but I know that God is real and that is the best foundation to have
-I'm relieved my name eric is spelled with a 'C'.
-I have alot to be angry about but I know there are better ways to deal
-I miss alot of people but I try not to think about it.
-I fully agree with Reds quote "get busy living or get busy dying"
-i should have changed my car a while ago but i am very attached to it
-i often forget things when i dont see them or when i sleep
-i dont know when to quit
-i am a neat freak at heart
-some day I want to make a hydro turbine and a water pump
-I go for natural food but I always have a box of mac-n-cheese & oreos around
-thankfully I have never broken a bone, or been in a car accident
-I love manual transmissions
-I have a dishwasher but still hand wash the dishes
-I think that labels, image and style are used to hide behind
-I think trends are just weird

the process

In my 28 years of life, I have ended up with a bunch of experiences and a tube in my head and one thing that will always leave me breathless is love and faith in Jesus Christ.

After all I have seen in this world, I think it is impossible for me to sit back and just consume.

I have learned:

- Being uncomfortable is the context for God to work in our lives, how else will we not depend on our self? (I am not saying this from a safe place in my life, things have been insane for me for a few years).

- doesn't matter if He will change things, it just matters that He CAN change things; Its about faith not a feeling

- be transformed by love not just moved by it.

-We think we are deserving, we are not, we get grace anyway

- People make this world beautiful, whether its across the street or across the equator we are all in different circumstances but the same inside; some people use fear and pride more than others.

-A lot gets done when everyone does a little

- uncomfortable vs: comfort, is the big battle we face

-expectations destroy people, have goals and use honesty instead

P.S. Guatemala was a great experience, a long and physically exhausting one. I might have over done it, I have a brain CT scan on monday. I would love to tell you about it in person someday.

Guatemala.

hello all, guess what, I have the opportunity to go to guatemala (Lake Atitlan) mid june to mid july. A friend of mine has gone down there many times to volunteer with an organization down there that assits the community in construction,medical,V.B.S. and sports events to help build community. This summer the organization wants him to:

- facilitate the volunteer teams that will be going down there from the east coast  

-put a promo video together for their org.  

My friend asked me to join. This is not the first time I have traveled with this guy, he is a good friend, but this will be the first time out of the country for me since my accident and I need your prayers for :

health- last time I went to Guatemala I got a mean stomach parasite from eating popsicles that had some water in it. This time, I know not to touch water but I now have a side affect from Brain surgery that leaves me constantly thirsty. thirsty + parasite water = lame

plus all the normal precautions regarding health. I am assured it is a safe and beautiful place.

passport- I'm working on renewing my passport. This is a very spontanious trip and I realized that my passport expires this month (june). The only chance I have of getting it on time is to drive up to Seattle to renew it in person. My appt. is wed. morning, a friend and I will be driving up there tuesday night and I pray that everything goes well and I will leave with a passport in hand.

-cover this trip in prayer protection, that we would be a blessing to the teams and org down there.

-for food,housing,finances.....all to be provided and have Gods blessing on _______________________

-I now have airplane tickets from PDX to Long Beach, and, LAX to Guatemala. I leave on early tuesday in 8 days.

-I don't have a passport yet

-already have everything I will need to pack so there isn't any other rushing around (other than my final projects)

-after Guatemala, I plan to be in S. Cal. for my sisters birthday and possibly a bit longer depending on time constraints

__________________________

Thank you for your prayers, I hope to see you soon. yeah for the land of lakes and volcanoes.

(CDC)

(WHO)

too short

Don Miller has a great talk on the personal story each person has to tell, and that has been on my mind for a while now. Life is too short to not be honest, so here is my attempt at telling another part of it.

It has been 4 + years since my brain surgery. This is the progress I have noticed so far. If you only knew how much God has done in my life.

-I came to Oregon already able to drive. Driving is now like second nature to me, but multi tasking such as talking on a cell phone, the eat-n-drive or talking to a passenger is challenging so I just dont. My reflex time was clocked at .6 seconds a few years ago and that is why the DMV and hospital gave me the "ok"to drive in the first place, I'm sure that time has not changed.

- my VOR (Vestibular-Ocular Reflex) has not improved. I still get very light headed and disoriented when I look up and if I am not looking straight ahead I see double or things move in a jerky, 'shakey camera' motion. However, I am amazed at how the human body compensates for what has been damaged over time. Also upper body strength helps me not to fall.

-Coordination has improved significantly. i am faster at simple tasks; again I have learned ways to compensate using creativity to get something done in a different way as an alternative to needing accuracy. I notice the gears in my brain occasionally slip and I miss judge distance and how much effort to put in to a task (ex. if my nose itches, I'll go to scratch it but end up poking my eye...)

-I have found the best therapy to be Art (ART THERAPY). I continually enroll in mixed media sculpture and calligraphy classes at the local Junior college; in order to help recover things like problem solving, coordination, reduce the effect of tremors (subtle involuntary head shaking that is very annoying and interrupting), motor skills, and a way to develop an alternate form of communication.

This is how it helps:

- problem solving- figure out how parts fit together and how to put imagination into something tangible, also using tools and manipulating materials is good therapy. This is a common deficit in Brain Injuries

-It works on coordination /motor skills and the ability to 'do'

- voice- interaction with people.

-reduce the effect of tremors- concentration and focus are required for calligraphy, so trying to stop tremors is practiced, it also provides experience with focusing on something while distractions are around.

-memory - jogs memories of how things work, where I learned it, who I was and what I was doing- which triggers an awareness of "oh yeah I know this" so its not fully re-learning because the brain cells were already made, the info is there its just a matter of 'unlocking' it; this causes more healing and that effects balance, coordination...its wild how things are connected!

-Attention/focus on one task is a challenge

- Balance- I can now walk on a curb (my balance beam) about 4-5 steps, instead of 1-2. Walking in a straight line on any surface is still difficult. I walk in the dark as much as I can to get my other senses such as feel and sound to take over in that area. Slow walking is now stable and does not feel like I am loosly put together in segments. I hear alot that practice is important, for me challenge is.

-Stimuli is the main enemy at the root of all this, because it breaks concentration. I am still affected by it. I am aware of its influence on my moods, balance, voice clarity, mental processing, coordination, ability to focus on something ....everything

-Voice - not much improvement in this area. I am working on breath support in order to prolong tone-ation so talking won't wear me out. I still have the bad habit of talking with my hands; I can't get over how frustrating it is to not be able to communicate (and this is just a mild case). A couple trips to the ENT has determined that I am using the correct vocal chords not the vocal folds and there are no nodules on them, so all is working but its not working.

-Memory, I am more aware of how much I am lacking in this area

-vision is good, they dont want to give me prisms because double vision is only on the far peripherals.

This is most of the recovery I have noticed so far, when the mind works toward something like putting a puzzle together, art, talking with people or physically jogging; overall health improves because the brain is active and that makes everything in the body work better. I've noticed that my walking is straighter and talking is not so hard to do when my brain is not static. I have not taken meds since I left the 2nd hospital in 2005, and my recovery has been better than anyone expected, such as maybe I would walk at some point in my life. Prayer is amazing! I wonder how much of all this is spiritual there has been a lot of coincidences. I am learning valuable things like how important actions are not just words, people, trust, hope....its all important. I miss being able to communicate with ease but now that I understand how valuable actions are, I'm not sure I want a voice back. God has been good through all of this. I have a new understanding of grace and how completely awesome God is just because of who He is not what He can do for me. Life is overwhelming because there are alot of unknowns; but I often experience peace and knowing that God is much bigger and more kind than anything I can imagine, I'm just preoccupied with myself most of the time that I miss seeing it. A question Don Miller asks is "how are you being blessed?" Before this experience, I never understood how much other people go through ; that is one way that I am blessed.

Thank you for your prayers, please continue to pray.

very challenged

There has been a death in a family at church here.  Today a wife and 4 young children are going through a really hard time.  Through this,  something has impacted me the past few hours since I have learned of this tragedy.  The worship leader talked about how hard this time has been yet  Holly (wife ) has been solid and has not resented God for this; that is true worship.  I am very touched by this and cant imagine how hard it must be, My prayers are with that family.  Thank God for His goodness even when we cant see the whole picture.

eternal investments

As I watch the news clips for the day, I often wonder what would Peter or Paul's (of the bible) personal economic strategy be? Did they have any investments like gold, a goat, or weapons? I dont know a lot about them but I do know that Acts (book in the bible of what the early church looked like) talks about how they all pulled together, shared and cared for each other. That would be a very interesting thing to see, maybe thats why it worked so well (well= impacting).
This is where I look in the bible to answer my questions about security.

- take nothing...Mark 6:8 (NIV)


-being a good steward 1 Corinthians 4:2 (ASV)


- worry about nothing Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)


-foolishness? 1 Corinthians 1:18-32(NIV)

-duet  8

Is it possible that the only investment they made was an eternal one?   ....matt 6: 19-21. How far should one trust God anyway?

rips

An under tow is a current at the beach that pulls whatever is on top of the water down to the ocean floor or further out.
To get out: do not swim towards the shore. Although it seems logical you will not be able to reach it. Swimmers fight that current, get tired, then go under. The best way to get out of an undertow is to swim parallel to the coastline for a bit until you feel that you are out. Conserve your energy is the name of the game.
To spot: an undertow before you get in the water just look for brown, sandy water that is churning up; determine the strength of it and how deep it is and dont go near it unless you have something to float on.
The beach is incredible and fun especially when it applies to life; when you feel like you are being pulled under the water, drop your pride and swim in a different direction to get out of that undertow of life.

Hope you're doing great!

This is how God showed His love among us; He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through HIm.
1john 4;9 (niv)

came across this today

since I have time now, this evening, i will fill this out.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?.......whatever will do the job
2. Real tree or Artificial? .................. I love that smell; real all the way
3. When do you put up the tree? ......before christmas
4. When do you take the tree down? .......before New Years
5. Do you like eggnog? ................nope, it tastes and feels like a loogie
6. Favorite gift received as a child? .............bow and arrow
7. Hardest person to buy for? .............any girl
8. Easiest person to buy for? ...........my dad
9. Do you have a nativity scene? ........not personally
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? .........make it and mail it
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? ....no such thing
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? .....dont have one
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? ............shop or make it a few weeks before, sometimes months, depends on the gift.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? once. never again
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? ........fondue
16. Lights on the tree? .....of course
17. Favorite Christmas song? ...... have yourself a merry little xmas and sleigh ride-relient K
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? ........... where ever the best is
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? .....nope
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? .....Star
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? .............one christmas eve, the rest on xmas morning
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? .........that busy, rushed feeling is so distracting
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? .............penguin snow globe because it is fun and peaceful.
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? .......prime rib
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? ....... "home"
26. Who is most likely to respond to this?

hmmm 2day...

-beach foam might be the strangest thing ever. Waves must be "macking" to look like that (pic).
-the US is officially in a recession
-what would a depression look like in the 21st century? what are we dependent on? looks like it will be more of a moral depression than economic.
-according to msnbc, video game sales are booming because they are a form of low cost entertainment. I'm not a "gamer" but I know some games are messed up. I wonder if there will be more "couch potato" violence in this country now? media- saturated and low brain development is not a good combination!
- yesterdays message at church summed up my last 3.74 years in one sentence..."Do I really belong to God or do I just believe Him?"

- what about that verse, "Let your gentleness be evident to all" (Philippians 4:5),
-when I know the structure, the goal or how something works, I do much better
-Today is a great day!
-art is fun
-I am really going to miss CA this Christmas
-love it when it rains and its sunny. Today its just rainy.
- my dog just "latte barfed" again. He eats everything then throws up.
"Stop throwing up! learn!".
Dry heave-choke-to a foamy outcome, this has been going on sporadically, since last spring. Looks bad for the little guy. Well, "every action has an equal and opposite reaction" (newtons 3rd law of motion) ............on a larger scale, am I so different about things?

thanks?

These guys are...
Not having a soccer game…
Not playing rugby with the neiborhood…
Not going to baseball practice…
Not stealing their sisters’ hair bands and shooting them on the ceiling so they get stuck.
What is there to be thankful for anyway?

That God is big and good!

Thats why I believe in God. He saw me living with no life and could not handle it, so he took my place and still doesn't force anything on me, but waits and helps me to get it. So much love. easily over looked, but visible when I slow down and stare at it.

Veterans

you are very special

part of My story

I know I'm bad at writing. I took it a while ago, I need to take it again, so I am. This is a paper I had to write. It had to be about an experience in my life, descriptive writing I think.
Let me know how to write well, that would help.


Eric Lopez
Writing 121
CRN:43546
Prof. Sears
10/8/08
‘Silent Killer’

There is a silent killer that can strike anyone at any moment. Sometimes there are symptoms; most of the time there aren’t. People drop suddenly because they are not able to walk, breathe, or see. This condition happens to soldiers, athletes who go through head trauma, and the everyday person just going through their day. It is called Traumatic Brain Injury (T.B.I.).
On April 3rd 2005 I moved from Kimball, Nebraska to Redondo Beach, California when it happened to me. Seven days later on the evening of April 10th, I was in Downtown Los Angeles “doing my thing” when all of a sudden my head starts throbbing and burning, like it was screaming from the inside and pounding, similar to a jack hammer but with a saw blade, pounding and ripping the inside of my head apart. Later I learned I was having a brain aneurism, An Arterio-Venous Malformation (A.V.M.) aneurism, to be exact that happened in the cerebellum part of my brain. It wasn’t a hereditary thing, just a random thing. As it happened I immediately collapsed, partly due to the pain in my head and partly because I lost the ability to stand. A friend helped get me onto a bench and off the ground in order to see if I was all right. I started throwing up at that point. My friend noticed that I couldn’t speak right or see and I needed medical attention immediately. With only minutes passing so far, there was time to get to the nearby hospital, this was an emergency and there was a Good Samaritan Hospital a few blocks away on Wilshire Blvd. The hospital I was taken to happened to have one of the best brain surgeons in the country working that night, and he quickly got to the root of my symptoms. I passed out while in the ER before the surgeon had a chance to look at me. I have no memory of what happened the next few weeks.

I awoke about a month later with the strongest coherency that doctors had seen in me. I was immediately put on the rehabilitation roster. Physical, Occupational and Speech therapists then worked to challenge me with basic exercises to further this progress, since there was no telling how far progress would go. I was constantly told, “The brain is amazing at recovery when it is triggered to do so”. The next months were full of therapy sessions, two kinds of wheel chairs and walkers, swallowing solid food and liquid, brushing teeth, combing hair, basic things that I’ve been doing since birth, twenty-three years ago, but all I wanted to do was sleep deeply. Thankfully, I was not on any medication, but I did acquire a side effect from brain surgery known as insatiable thirst, leaving me constantly thirsty. Three months later, after I showed enough progress, I was off to an assisted living rehabilitation center for further improving or until my health insurance ran out. My mental capacity at that point was that of a small child and improved with more exposure to physical and mental activities. Like a chalkboard, my mind had twenty-three years of experiences and muscle memory that were instantly erased, but they’re still in my brain somewhere waiting to be triggered, hopefully. The goal of rehabilitation was not to get me back to how I used to be, but to get me capable.
Casa Colina Rehabilitation Center was my home for the next few months. When I first arrived, I was incredibly disoriented, and the place seemed very strange to me. It was one hour east from where I had lived in Redondo Beach and the recovery hospital in San Pedro, California. Pomona (where Casa Colina is), is hot and dry in summer. I remember it was a big house, a short distance from the main hospital, hard wood floors, Spanish style architecture, and a court yard, all surrounded by walls. No Doctors or Nurses just Therapists and patients and sheets that did not smell like a hospital. I have never been much of a family man, but seeing such warm smiles and genuine care during this whole ordeal was a very life changing experience. My perspective of family was being changed. I never realized how beautiful family is.
My time at Casa Colina was awkward. We had free time, meal times, and outings, but I didn’t know what to do other than practice my exercises almost non-stop. I did not want to be there. I got a lot of, “what are you doing, it’s lunch time, take a break”, but every moment was an opportunity to improve. Eventually I got to the point where I could handle a pass to leave for the day on Saturday or Sunday, I remember getting back from my day with family or friends, slowly getting up the ramp to the front door on a Saturday night, stopping to admire how dark and quiet it was, time for more rehabilitation. I wanted out, I didn’t want to be in that position, but what can you do? It was like a job that never ended and there was nothing I could do about it except, do it. Day after day, I saw how incapable I was: my limbs were not doing what they used to. That was discouraging and really getting to me, I kept thinking, “why is this taking so long?” However, once I discovered I had access to the unlimited supply of yogurt, cold Sparklets water, juice, cereal and fruit, the place wasn’t so bad. Unfortunately, I realized this just before I was discharged. The place was actually becoming all right to live in now. Wow, I was settling there. I also had a great roommate towards the end of my stay. In mid September I was discharged from living there and began outpatient day treatment at my father’s home, fifteen minutes away, for continued therapies.
This was the first year of my Brain surgery experience. It has been a very educational one, not a good one at all, but I have learned to take nothing for granted and I thought I had control of things, I don’t. I never knew how to trust; now I have a picture of what trust looks like. I never thought about change, now I do. I try not to take things like walking on grass, drinking water or how special family is for granted any more. Come to think of it, this experience has made things ‘sweeter’.

lots of CA

I've been in CA since June, and just got back on wed. Heres some things that went on.
- 1 wedding
- made it to 12 cities
- MANY miles
- beach x 3
- in-n-out x 4
- learned masking on photoshop
- few days of chipping/sanding/painting trim on a house
- 2 amtrak trains
- 1 detour due to a fire (goleta)
- 1 earthquake (chino hills)
- 1 broken down amtrak train
- many car rides
- 1 car trouble
- 1 week of camping
- hiking
- fishing
- lots of amazing views and "kodak moments"
- 5 cut down "bush trees"
- 1 bottle of banana ketchup the honey mooners brought back for me.
- 1 almost finished book
- now i need to fix my mac so no pics yet
- being with family and friends .... PRICELESS



Marls broke its leg last week, now im helping take care of the dog.

what up wifi at the airport

so im at my gate an 1.5 hours early. (being early for me - not often) but time flys by when im using internet at my gate. Another perk of brain surgery, I get to pre board and get the best seat up front. theres huge down sides to TBI but there are some sweet things too!
Usually I love packing but not this time. My friend and I have a contest to see who can pack the least. this time i know i lost. the next month i will be trying to see as many people in a 150 mile radious with no car. not looking forward to having no solid schedule. I dont know whats going to happen. I have to board l*s

wanted

my class needs alot of books by thursday for this next project we are making. hundreds of books (old, manuals,text books, coffee and hotpocket stained ones) . Any kind, doesnt matter. its an instalation for the school we will be attaching to a wall. if you have some or know how I could get some, let me know. they will stay there for ever, until they knock the wall down.

One of the best

******HAPPY NURSE DAY!***
Nat you are the best nurse I have ever met! your patients are fortunate to have you take care of them, so am I for being your brother